International Women's Day

9 March - Amnesty International Malaysia had organized a Women Reclaiming the Night inconjuction with the International Women's Day. The whole event was organized at Bukit Bintang. They had a march before the performances at Cloth & Clef. Two of my favorite band performed that night - Overdose and The Pips. Other bands and singer song writers were also invited. So were some poets. The place was packed with people. Diverse this time. A mix of friends and activists from NGOs and punks. A good mix of gender as well.

Hana and I came early so that we could beat the crowd for the seats. We usually stand but this time there was too many people. We would rather seat and wait for the last two anticipated bands we intended to come see. Earlier that evening, before coming over to the gig, Hana got busy choosing her costume for the performance. She had chosen a pale pink dress with a maroon tshirt inside. The dress was spilled with red rose concentration to resemble menstrual blood that usually considered a taboo to reveal that period of the month in a women's life. Shhh.. it's supposed to be a secret!

As we went out, the reactions from people's faces when they see blood stains on Hana's dress were priceless. We stopped by at a photocopy shop before catching the bus to kl, there was a young couple who giggled with each other and the girl covered her face as a sign of shame. Her red face said it all. They must have muttered something like, don't she know? Why didn't her friend told her about the stain? It was a bloody sweet heavy spill...... Yeah... it is her first day kids. Every billion women are having it.

I always find it fascinating that Hana always without fail try to prepare as much as she can for the performance to get the messages across. She would always prepare a few days before the gigs that The Pips would be performing. Panicking which costume she should wear. Finding words to recite to explain their songs. Constantly having panic nervous attacks before each shows. I really adore her~ I like bands that try to put in something new. Like the former band Ciplak, Crimescene and maybe Mossuraya from Sweden which I didn't get the chance to see!! Crossdress! Pheeewitttt! Me loikey....... Errr nudist? Hmm.. The demand for Crimescene is undeniably for their cute butts. Hahahaha.. sorry guys from Crimescene.. after the gig in C&C the other day, the fans totally dig your act of going nude. You were in the flesh REAL!

I hope someday I get to see bands in animal costumes! That'll be freaking awesome..

I had spread what had happened yesterday to as many friends that I've met that night so that people know about the issue. All of them were shocked to hear the incident. Fellow cyclist were outrage. And I do felt some kind of solidarity spirit when they gave me encouragement and words of disgust towards the mat rempits. Sexual violence is not a matter to be silenced.

Arip brought books about feminism. A thick book called Sisterhood and another smaller book about influential people like Emma Goldman. All this in the spirit of feminism. Sharing is caring. He said he talked to everyone he knew about the incident, ppl at his workplace, cyclist friends and his housemates. You're just so sweet!

The Pips has gained attraction from chaotic crowd to mosh with their songs. They sound more and more fast and their songs had become familiar anthems for the fans to sing along to. Imagine that... From mellow acoustic folk to folk punk. Gila lah!

Our dear friend Yuen had already pecah this time. He was totally wasted! His spectacles was smashed in the sea of people moshing. He couldn't get up at the end of the show. Somehow I do get a feeling that he is in some sort of emotional rut? I heard rumours about his mom's illness and that he's constantly worried. Adding to this, he is also having his final exams for his Masters. I hope you can cope with it Yuen. You are stronger. Everything will be alright...

Overdose, what can i say about this band is just TOTS AWES! The vox was really wicked! I saw a video recording of their show at Kelana Jaya and she was just so superb in a white dress stage diving! Comelnya! She has this high pitched voice. Sultry and loud. Heck! Heck! As she always shout.

I've always find it confusing when I look at stuff for sale. I would wonder which zines are good to read, which bands to check out, the endless flowing of new talents just amazes me.. And I always get that wishful feeling that I would someday put out my zine as well. I think I am a bit worried about putting my words across because for some reasons, writing does open up a can of worms and reveal yourself to the world. Maybe self esteem plays a huge part to get that zine published. Maybe I'm not punk rock enough. I really like personal writing and skill sharing zines. I admire Coathanger Revolt's zine. I feel the writing from kid and other female writers were really awesome. Same goes to Brainscan issue #21. The author writes about her experience with her former activist husband. She writes about power dynamics in a relationship which I could really relate to my own previous relationships. She touches issues of what her husband who seemed to mirror her conscience and ideals had impaired a lot of things on her emotional as well as psychological well being because of the underlying power dynamics in their relationship. Imposing hyper critical behaviors and lack of deeper emotional connection empathy. Egoism and self centered personality. Some people often forget to check themselves when they have advantages on their side. They are seen active and could easily portrayed as the righteous ones but when it comes down to relationship, the balance of emotions and to differentiate between love over power, they had failed miserably.

Get your own copy of Brainscan at RICECOOKER SHOP. (Mat Nor, ni iklan just for you for always updating new zines to me and in support of Ricecooker Shop~)

So we left C&C and got back with Aziman's car together with Boy and Kelly. Boy did not recognize me with my veil. It has been a long time since I last saw him. He was still with Nena at that time. I saw this Mass Separation's bassist/guitarist at the BuyAndSell website selling his bicycle last January. I laughed seeing his picture with him riding a yellow fixie. Masih panjang dreadlocknya...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz penat.

Molester Rempits Can Go To Hell!

My fingers are shivering as I’m typing this. My heart burns with anger. My left arm is bruised with an opened wound. My boob still hurts. I fell from my bicycle after being groped by two mat rempits (guys on motorcycle) on the way home. Those fucking morons! BASTARDS! I wish I was better protected. I wish I had carried a weapon. I wish I had been prepared. The wishes of victims of sexual assault. The burden are always on the victim’s who have to have this crazy mental guilt of not taking care of themselves well enough thus making them vulnerable prey and susceptible to violence. Ironically and sadly, this happened on International Women’s Day!

I came back from Petaling Jaya after I had a meeting with a friend. It was extended until 12 midnight. Yeah I know some might say that it happened because of the time of occurrence, the road taken and the transportation mode. Predators lurk from every corners of the dark to hunt for their meal. This was about power. Power over the weaker and fragile sex.

How can women be empowered and liberated if we were to be afraid all the time?

“The male is eaten up with tension, with frustration at not being female, at not being capable of ever achieving satisfaction or pleasure of any kind; eaten up with hate -- not rational hate that is directed at those who abuse or insult you -- but irrational, indiscriminate hate... hatred, at bottom, of his own worthless self.

Gratuitous violence, besides `proving' he's a `Man', serves as an outlet for his hate and, in addition -- the male being capable only of sexual responses and needing very strong stimuli to stimulate his half-dead self -- provides him with a little sexual thrill” (S.C.U.M Manifesto)

Earlier that day, I had just noticed that I’ve never had vulgar words or repulsiveness displayed by the road users. In fact, I’ve always get encouragements which I know were triggered by me being a female on muscle-powered wheels and not purely on the basis of supporting bicycling. When reading Chainbreaker, in many parts of the cities in the U.S, cyclists are seen as pest. Here in Malaysia, male cyclists are predominantly being hate as told by a friend cyclist, Arip. But female cyclists are seen as chicks that are easy targets for verbal harassment, entertainment for lame boring guys to make their day worthwhile from their lazy ass jobs! Somehow moving tits capture their attention.

I’M ANGRY!!!!! Resent in utter repugnance! I feel harassed and violated, if not vulnerable and weakened. I understand what Hana felt like when she was molested by an old guy in a bus a long time ago (Happiness comic), how Luke felt when an old guy (something’s wrong with them!) touched him at a place where he felt violated his boundaries in the train to Penang last year, how a friend had been molested in boarding school by his seniors, how women have to constantly fight off sexual harassments every single fucking days on the streets, at homes, at their offices, at gigs, EVERYWHERE. Hana and some of our close girl friends were rubbed over their backs at the Buzzcocks gig. Anna Vo from Crux had been groped while performing in Taiping and later found out it was made as if that was awesome by some idiot guy online. Where is our safe space?

Time and time again, this shit happens to us. So how do we fight back?

Going to the police was definitely not an option for me for this specific case. I was without an ID. It will be another issue all together if I was to launch a report without it. What can they do about it? Patrol at the vicinity? Tell me off that I wasn’t to cycle at night? Or is it just for the sake of record to identify that there are psycho mat rempits on the loose in the area? Mat rempits are EVERYWHERE. They are SHIT!

Hana and I talked about it and will put up signages and leaflets in the dataran Frinjan (i think this was the place the mat rempit saw me and followed me) and at the spot where I got molested (which another ironic thing, was the same place the police stopped me a few days ago). Maybe banner dropping, leaflets, and graffiti are the options we can take. Psychologically, there in this soft spot, had scar.

Community support!?

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SIAL!

I screamed at them but they sprinted away with laughter and throttled loud their success leaving me on the road fumed by their fossil fuel smoke.

I HATE POWER TRIPPING MAT REMPITS! ARSEHOLES!!!!